Battling to Stay Positive

There are days when I think the sole reason other people exist is try and suck the life out of me!

Honestly, when I turn from one direction to another, there is someone who appears to be working their hardest to ensure my plans made, the day ahead, or the decision I have already made are moot and irrelevant. The twinkle in their eye or the constant attacks on my work seems to fuel them into further aggression. No matter what you do, they are not going to quit. Or there are those leaders who cajole and say things are well, but then you find out they have provided you with half-truths or didn’t have the courage to give you the truth about your work and career. The emotional outcome for either is the same, life-sucking withdrawal.

Now imagine if you felt like this many days in a row.

I’ve spent a large part of my professional life being the “positive” one in the group. Oh this title doesn’t last long for the faint of heart or weak minded. I’ve been ridiculed, not taken seriously, and “chatted about” behind my back. As the thought goes, someone this positive and happy as you can’t be serious about leadership or leading.

Insert raspberry…

For the most part, this role of being positive agrees and compliments my personality. And most time it is easy. It has been that way through my younger life as well. I’m more of a glass mostly full rather than half empty; my disposition is to look for the good. Of course I’m not full hardy and I realize there is ugly and bad around, I tend not to focus on that or let that be the foundation for my decisions or leadership.

I believe in second chances, I think many people want to do well, and I think given the correct circumstance, most people want to be successful and be part of a team. That is the perspective through which I see things. Providing a positive work environment is key and essential leadership priority for me.

As I have grown in my career and leadership, I know this is not always true. I have learned there are times where second chances are not warranted, where some people live to create havoc and harm for spite, and I do believe some people are better solo and away from others. But it doesn’t change my original positive perspective.

And then there are days, maybe weeks, where the positive person is barraged, harassed or subjected to constant attacks which can really take a toll. Times like those mentioned challenges your positive leaders and their work. There begins an uncertainty about your role, you wonder if impact is happening, and doubts about your eadership become catalyst for introspection.

That is a good thing!

But all is not rainbow-butterfly-unicorn-kitty in a positive person’s world all the time. The challenge with positive people though is some days we are not positive. And guess what…sometimes we like it that way! When circumstances present themselves and I find myself being more selfish and less positive…I want to be that way…for a while. I don’t want to carry the torch of hope, I don’t want to be “the one” who understands and listens, and I don’t want to care about your cause or issue.

That felt really good to say outoud!

And if someone sees you not being positive they traditionally have 2 reactions. The first is to be nasty back because you have chosen not to be the positive one or to only care about their need. Or the second is they want to fix it so you can be “yourself again.” Both are annoying if I must be honest.

“Sometimes a warrior needs a quiet place to rest.” Twila Paris

So what to do when you, the positive person, when you find yourself battling to regain, maintain, or protect your positive attitude? Boy I wish I had a sure-fire answer. But as the struggle is real and I am battling to stay positive, there are a few fundamental truths I’ve found to be helpful. If you find yourself in my position, try these 5 actions to see if you get your footing and you begin, as I tell my daughters, to sparkle and shine again.

1. Step Away and Be Quiet! The best of athletes will tell you, to continue to grow and improve, you need to step away. You need to take care of you! Be present for you and give yourself permission to stop engaging. It may sound counter intuitive, but the reality is, if you suppress the desire to just stop, you’ll eventually reach a breaking point and then look out. Your breaking point will come out in the most inappropriate time. It will happen when it can cause damage to you, your reputation, your followers, or organization. Step away, be quiet, and rest.
2. Self Reflect: After you have stepped away and quieted yourself, it’s time to reflect on what is happening and how you feel. The time of reflection provides an opportunity to determine your role in the situation and what you can control and what you cannot. The reflection time also provides you time to really determine what has bothered you most and what are your feelings are about the situation. You need to come to peace with others derailing your leadership and trying to steal you positive attitude. It will happen again and you need to be prepared for it.
3. Rejuvenate: You need to find that place, the action, the hobby which helps you to center your feelings and soul. For some that is exercise, reading a book, listening to music, or chatting with a friend. It has proven to me to be most beneficial is to just get away and charge the batteries. As a leader, your well is constantly drained and keeping your balance is key to success. Your personal reserves is like a bank account. You need to put strength, resilience, passion, and patience into your leadership well so when others take withdrawals, you are not left empty!
4. Make the Commitment: It’s time to commit to being the positive leader you know you were meant to be. And that commitment is easier if you have an accountability partner to be there to keep you encouraged. This partner should be like minded as you are and understand the importance of positive leadership and the struggles that come with that choice of leadership. You two, or three or four can be there to run interference when one needs to stop and step out. These partners also can help keep the balance in your leadership account and they can help you keep an eye on how you are doing. The power of finding this circle of comrades in arms is powerful to keeping you sustained and fueled.
5. Get Back In: Now it’s time to get back to leading. At any point in this journey, you can stop. You know that is not the right thing, but at times, it is easier. You have to get back in and start leading again. And honestly, you’re happier doing leadership then you are to quit.

We need positive leaders and positive people. It is not an easy road and many will challenge you and your leadership. But I believe you are strong enough to withstand the challenging days. It can be a war out there, don’t become a casualty. 5 actions can keep you serving and leading the way you know is making a difference!

Leading with you,

Dean 

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