The Cost of Leadership: Change in Peer Relationships

Have you ever considered the cost of leadership?

I am not referencing the cost of your education or the potential cost of clothes depending on your organization. If you take a moment to ponder what leadership “costs” you, you might be surprised. I would offer to you that leaders who pay the cost of leadership well know its impact. Those who do not pay the cost of leadership may not be fulfilling their responsibilities as a leader.

I had the wonderful pleasure of spending time recently with some bright nursing students from the great state of South Carolina. I was able to share some time with them at their annual South Carolina Student Nurses Association’s convention. The time spent with these future leaders, the discussions we had on the profession of nursing, and their hope for the future focused on the role and responsibility of being a professional nurse. As we shared, it became clearer to me many colleagues in leadership do not pay the price of leadership.

So what is the cost of leadership?

My discussions with these budding nurse leaders included discussions of how professionals should be acting in their organization and profession. As we talked about what they have seen so far in their faculty and clinical experience, it is still evident professionalism and leadership are not readily observed. Many of these students were nontraditional; they are working on their second career or going back to school after being in the workforce for several years, many as CNAs.

Leadership is an active support. And like any sport it takes effort, focus, and change to improve. The effort to improve costs you something the more you practice. In the realm of leadership, the cost I am referring to is not a financial one. It is more personal than and harder to produce then pulling out your wallet.

For leadership to be improved, leaders need to understand there is a cost to improving their leadership and the cost needs to be paid regularly. The constant growth and evaluation a leader must produce to keep up with today’s work environment means if you do not pay the price, you are ineffective. You should be replaced.

The cost of leadership is what you sign up for if you are going to be a leader others want to follow. Oh, we have many leaders out there, but not many that followers are willing to sacrifice for if that time was required. The sacrifice we ask of our followers includes going the extra mile, to be understanding with families, to participate and instigate process improvement opportunities, to look for the patient safety issues before they harm our patients, and we ask them to follow us! A leader who doesn’t invest in their leadership inspires followers to do just the minimum in their job.

The change in work relationships is one core competencies leaders need to invest in if you wish to do what is required to maintain your position as an effective and valued leader. And though there are many more costs to discuss, we will highlight a few more in the upcoming blogs, this blog is going to focus on this one. Many of the areas would cross easily into the other, and in such, improving in one affects both categories.

The change in work relationships cost of leadership involves maturing the relationships with peers when you promote or change positions. When you become the leader, the relationships with your former fellow peers must change. We are not talking about a complete excommunication. The change comes in relation to the change in your responsibilities to them as followers, the responsibilities to your new boss and to the organization. The new position requires different set of leadership core competencies you must learn and practice. Your view on unit policies, programs, and organizational directives will be different than those of your now followers. Once you accept a leadership position, you are now a part of “them”.

Naturally, your perspective on topics should be different that you are fulfilling a new role. This growing of your position also means a growing in your thought process and all the things you must now consider in relation to your new leadership position. Your sphere of influence and impact has grown, so must your consideration of many more variables.

This is truly the classic first failure of new leaders. Your desire…and promise to your fellow peers is “I promise I won’t change, I’ll be the same person fighting for what is right for us” is probably still going through you mind. It is especially difficult when your perspective changes and now you understand more of why things are being done. And how do you now let your former peers know there is a reason why you support what you didn’t support when you were peers. Maturing and growing those new work relationships to include your new role is hard. And many former peers will not like it.

This is when your leadership fortitude will be tested. Yes, they will talk about you because we have not grown our nurses to be more professional. Yes, they will say you sold out and you no longer understand what it is like to be on the front lines. And yes, you will be hurt, because many of the things they say are untrue and hurtful. And yet, some of the things they say are true…you have CHANGED. They should want you to change because your new role is not their role.

You will support your promise. You will be fighting for what is right for the unit and taking care of the patients. It just might not always be the same as what the followers want to see. If you are not paying the cost in maturing your relationships with your former peers, then your ability to lead effectively will eventually be diminished. It doesn’t usually happen in the first few months, but when the topic becomes tough, if you have not paid your cost to be their leader, and then you will crumble. You will not be serving your followers well and you will be failing your organization.

Let me provide you with some steps to help you start your process to build and improve those work relationships or if you have transitioned and you are struggling, these same steps can help you invest in your leadership for a positive change.

1. Prepare before you depart. You may have some peers before you move to your next position that you have gone to school with or started on the unit together. Celebrate that time. It is also the time to have the conversation about your new role and an understanding that future responsibilities may change your work relationship. Having an open and honest conversation means you start your new foundation on mutual understanding. If you have transitioned, now is the time to have the conversation and add we may not always see eye-to-eye on issues, but like when you worked together, if you work issues with them through as a team, you can come to the same agreed ending.
2. Personal vs. Professional Responsibilities: You need support, friendship, and positive work relationships. As you transition, remember your personal relationship can continue, but there will have to be some changes. You don’t leave your friendships at the door, but as you transition, you must critically evaluate your decisions and the perception others may have about your relationship with former peers. The cost here is you must be able to disassociate your personal feelings from your work responsibilities. Your mission is to provide the best care for the patients and as the leader you will have to balance all the requirements of organizational demand, followers’ influences, and your personal opinions. If you have not successfully completed step 1 above, then this step becomes excruciatingly hard. And if you never pay the cost of either of these steps, you will fail. This will determine if you are able to handle the mantle of real leadership responsibilities and the cost of leadership. If you can’t, you may be a leader your old peers want, but NOT the leader they need and deserve.
3. Building New/Supporting Old Relationships. Leadership is tough; it is surely not for the weak of heart or the fearful. Now that you have a new position, embrace it. You need to build new peer relationships with other leaders at your level. Find out what has worked for them and what has been disastrous. You will need someone safe to confide in who understands your position and struggles. A mentor is another person to reach out too and ask for their guidance. At the same time you need to foster and continue your relationship with your former peers. Some of who will move on and be peers again and if not, you will need their support for the success of the unit and patient care. In both your new and old relationships, you have to pay the cost of leadership and invest in others to be successful. The saying that the leader is an island means you are doing leadership wrong. You need positive healthy work relationships to make work life work!

Leading is tough. But if you have decided or a leader sees your potential and capability, then you have an opportunity. Do you run away from it or to it? Thomas Edison is given credit for this appropriate quote which supports our topic: “Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work.”

Leading with you,

Dean

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